I recently met an adorable little girl who was close in age to what Isabelle would have been. She had lots of curls and loved her daddy so much that she screamed when he had to leave for a bit. My heart ached watching her play. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if Isabelle was still with us. Perhaps she would have had lots of curls and been a daddy’s girl.
I know from experience though, that the “what ifs” and “I wonders” can be a very dangerous place for a wandering mind. Typically I avoid such thoughts because they make me quite sad and sometimes put me in a bad mood. With the flashy appearance of Mother’s Day last weekend, I’ve struggled to keep such thoughts at bay.
Throughout Mother’s Day weekend, social media blew up with heartfelt posts about mothers. Some people praised their own mother, grandmothers, spouses, sisters, and in-laws. Others commented on motherhood in general and what a privilege it was to be a mother. I enjoyed reading the many posts and looking at all of the wonderful pictures tagged with each one.
Part of me wanted to write something about Mother’s Day. After all, I have been blessed with a wonderful mother and many mother-figures in my life. I am also the mother of two beautiful children.
However, I just couldn’t consolidate my thoughts into a coherent post even after several attempts.
The reality is that Mother’s Day is still really hard for me. It is difficult to celebrate motherhood when the child who made me a mother isn’t in my arms.
Now that a week has passed, and the seeming pressure of Mother’s Day and social media is behind me, I finally managed to gather my thoughts.
I am thankful for my own mother and for all of the mother-figures in my life. I am thankful for the example of motherhood that they have provided over the years. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter who made me a mother and for my son who brings so much joy to my life. I am also thankful for my husband, who went out of his way to make Mother’s Day special for me.
It was a relaxing day filled with quality family time. I slept in, had a delicious breakfast, and received a thoughtful gift from my son. We FaceTimed with both my mom and Matt’s mom and ended the day with Mass. It was a great day. Although Isabelle was certainly in the back of my mind, I worked hard to be thankful for the fact that she made me a mother.
Despite the pain that Mother’s Day inevitably brings, Mark’s huge grins renew and strengthen my wounded heart. God knew what he was doing when He gave us such a smiley, happy baby boy. Mark is a shining light during difficult days. His giggles are contagious and serve as daily reminders of what a privilege it is to be a parent. I am thankful for the opportunity to help mold him into a faithful young man, and I pray each day that I don’t mess it up.
Please note the rainbow on the right side of the picture. :-)
Although it is over a week late, Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies out there. To those with children in your arms, those who have lost a child, those who have lost a mother, those who wish to be mothers, foster mothers, godmothers, mothers-in-law, stepmothers, and all mother figures – I pray that you know what an important role you play in the lives children everywhere.