This morning I thought that I accidentally left my cell phone at home. Upon arriving at work, when I realized that it was missing from my purse, I had a mini panic attack. “How will I ever survive today without being connected to the whole world through social media?” After taking a few deep breaths, I realized that I was being absolutely ridiculous.
As I sat in my classroom prepping for the day, dwelling on the odd feeling of disconnectedness that comes from the lack of a cell phone, I thought about how overly reliant on technology I had become. Don’t get me wrong, social media is a beautiful thing. Words cannot express how comforted I felt earlier this week on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15) as numerous people began posting pictures of the candles that they lit for our sweet Isabelle at 7pm. It felt like I was receiving an enormous group hug from around the planet. I am so incredibly thankful for that embrace, and the fact that social media is the reason that it was possible.
However, I can’t help but also think about how social media has caused me much mental anguish. For example, in the last few months, dozens of my friends have had babies. Last night, for some unknown reason, I allowed myself to get on facebook and stare at the pictures of a beautiful baby girl to which my colleague’s wife had just given birth. I knew that it would bring my mind to a dark place that I avoided during difficult weeks, a place that I knew would result in many tears that night. Regardless, I allowed my mind to go there. Sometimes I wonder why I feel as though I need to be a part of social media all the time, especially when it occasionally causes me such pain.
Nonetheless, as I sat in my classroom without my cell phone and dwelled upon the emotional roller coaster that was this week, I couldn’t help but see God’s hand in the whole thing. My mind suddenly turned to the song that was playing on the radio – the song that God clearly wanted me to hear. The song that I would not have noticed if I had been busy messing around on my phone. “All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give.” It is difficult to surrender all to Him when I am distracted. Perhaps, God wanted me to lose my cell phone for a while so that I could be reminded that I should surrender my roller coaster week to Him. After all, He is the only true source of peace.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
One candle is for Isabelle and one is for all of our friends and family who have lost little ones.